Dang Funny!! You hold a grudge! Sigh.... Or maybe it was my energy?? Today was not a good day. I'm tired, cranky, pms-ing, burnt out and just... cranky. And maybe I wasn't too bad but then while I was tacking up Liz called and... she just irritated me. I'm sure it's more to do with being pms-y as she didn't do anything wrong. She was just asking me if we were jumping or flatting and then when I said I wanted to flat because I was tired and didn't get a chance to set up jumps because of the tractor guy yesterday coming late and staying to try and fix the spreader and then running out of daylight... and that after our last cavaletti lesson and being a little cranky about it... I felt like a flat lesson was better. Then she asked about the cavaletti lesson and I felt bad because I said "I thought I told you already"... which, is probably a trigger for Liz. But then I had to tell her again and... it just came out like it was an awful ride and it wasn't, but... for whatever reason all that just irritated me. And the whole having to have a long drawn out discussion that... really, ultimately, doesn't matter... while I'm trying to tack up. It's just... I'm tired of multi-tasking I guess. Just please let me tack up my horse and be present with her instead of not being able to pay attention! So that put me in a slightly more off mood than I already was. And again, TOTALLY nothing Liz did.. .just my mental state at this time is so easily tipped into cranky.
Anyways... I finished and got on and hacked Funny up to the arena. Then I hopped off to move some of the poles out of the way. And Liz got there and when she walked up Funny gave her the stink eye. Liz was like "um.... Funny's in a mood today"! Great... me too! Doh! We chatted briefly and Liz decided that she needed to walk with Funny and help diffuse her energy before we even started. Yes please! And that helped. But... Funny was in a mood. I think she was still pissed off about Tuesday and made me pay for that! But it could have easily have been my energy was rubbing off on her. Or both. So.. it wasn't a great ride to be honest. I wanted to cry. Heck, I kind of did cry. But that was more hormonal.
We started off at the walk and Funny was immediately braced and quick. And wanting to lean into my left leg and counter bend. So we worked through that. I had to go through my checklist... is my head facing straight/to the outside? Is my chin soft and not locked? Am I tight in my shoulders? Am I locking my elbows? Am I tight in my core/hips and blocking her or swinging with her? Am I pinching with my knees or thighs? If all those check out... then it's on her, not me. And by softening my chest the tiniest bit, she softened. Then I could lengthen the reins a teeny bit and she relaxed. Phew.. okay. So then we stopped and let her process. Then we started again, and had to go through the checklist again. And then I had to wait it out. I had to give her time to go through her checklist. And when she was throwing her inside barrel at me and ignoring my leg, or... fighting my leg - kicking out, bracing, coming at me ready to fight.... I had to find a way to diffuse her. Because continuing to ask with my leg wasn't getting us anywhere. So I tried haunches out.. nope, then she started slinging her body around. Okay... so then I remembered... overbend to the inside to a smaller circle. And that worked. She had to bend around my leg but I didn't have to use my leg to get it, so we sort of avoided the fight over my leg that way. So then at this point, Liz was like... let's go straight to canter. Once you get a nice walk (without being nitpicky or drilling for it..) ask for the canter but ask for it in the nice polite way we've been working on. So, okay.. I tried. It took another minute but we got a nice walk so I tried to ask for a canter in the softest way possible and she flung into it and was wild. Sigh... I of course immediately tipped forward. But Liz talked me down and I was able to sit back "behind the motion" (which isn't the case, but.. behind her energy) and she settled. I had to do one rein half halts and give with the other rein. I had to sit and keep my core up but not tight. And then we finally got a decent canter for a bit and then I asked for a nice downward and we got it. The trot was okay but once we got a step or two of softening, I asked for the walk and then the halt and let her process. And then repeat. Except every time we picked her back up, she escalated with her antics. At one point she reverted back to her crow hopping, bucking/rearing thing... she was kicking out. She was flinging body parts in every direction. I was trying VERY hard to not get mad. Because I was getting super frustrated and annoyed but... Liz kept me calm and I just sat quiet and did my checklist and she would eventually settle into a walk and then to the canter and then the canter would settle a bit and we'd stop and reward. Basically the whole lesson was reward the soften and relaxation. But good gravy it was hard. I wanted to just get after her for being so ridiculous. Because she was being naughty. Even Liz said that I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wasn't trapping her.. I wasn't closing all the doors. I just... needed to wait it out and not fight her. But man that's hard!
The good news is that although she escalated her threats every time we picked her back up, she came back to me much quicker each time. We finally ended with a fairly good and quick turn around and finally got a decent trot after the canter for a few steps and then walk. We let her process and then Liz asked if I wanted to be done. I was like... "no.. not really, but it's probably the right choice". So.. she said "okay, she's gonna pick another fight, but let's do it and go to the trot instead of canter" and so that's what we did. She picked up the canter but then quickly came down to the trot but then I pitched forward and the trot was quick and rushed and awful. So we came down to the walk and Liz called me out. She said that one was on me! It was not Funny being bad but her following my body and then she was frustrated with me. Sigh... but it was good to realize that when things get rough, that's my body muscle memory. So we tried again and I stayed behind the energy and it was so much better. We did it once more and then we decided we were done. We made her sit and process until she took a breath. Which took a hot minute! Then Liz wanted to do something different. She wanted me to walk to the end of the arena and leave on a nice calm relaxed note to really hone in on the lesson today. So she figured she'd walk with us to help ease the tension. So we started off and Funny was actually really good. She didn't immediately get combative even though I picked up the reins. We got a nice walk for a few steps and then I slowly let her out to a stretchy walk and we got to the arena gate and halted. Liz told me to make her stand there until she breathed. She could wiggle and fidget but she had to take a breath before she was done. She really wanted todays lesson to be "You can get fired up, but once you're breathing and thinking and soft, you get rewarded... and when you're soft and relaxed, that's your happy place.. your safe place". Oh, and I was scratching her neck when she was releasing and breathing, so that in the future, when she's tense but starting to breathe and I can't do a free walk because I'm in the middle of a test or a jump round, I can scratch her neck as a relaxation signal. Kind of like Pavlovs dogs in a way. Anyways... she stood there for a solid ten minutes before she finally relaxed. She never took a deep breath but she got soft and relaxed and cocked a leg and almost took a nap. So I scratched her wither and got off and then we walked home.
Phew! Not a fun ride at all. And I felt like we barely did any work. And we probably only got about 10 steps of good work today. BUT... I do think it was a mental win. I think it was a win in the submission part. Without having to exhaust her or fight with her. I mean.. it was a fight, but not on my part. I stayed fairly neutral. (only thanks to Liz.. cause I hate to admit it.. I don't think i could have had she not been there). And hopefully Funny will start to realize that we're a team and she doesn't have to fight me. And that we can do fun things when we're relaxed and calm and that being relaxed and calm is a good place to be.
Sigh... hopefully tomorrow we'll just do a nice hack and then maybe, I can get in a more calm and happy arena ride before we go XC schooling on Tuesday. We'll see. Liz did make me feel better because she said that this grit that Funny has is what makes her an upper level horse. And we don't want to squealch it. But dang.. I gotta be able to survive it. So yeah.. I did cry a little. Because damn girl... way to make me get so frustrated and annoyed and then sad that I wouldn't have been able to ride neutrally without a third party present, which made me sad and cry a little.. and then I was just sad because... I don't know.. hormones!?? Ugh. But I managed to pull myself together and didn't cry on the walk home. Maybe because I was processing as much as she was. I really think we're alike. We're both so gung ho and full speed ahead and neither of us can get off the hamster wheel long enough to breathe. And we both want to do all the things and be the best at all the things. And honestly... I was annoyed that Liz kept making us take breaks.. and talk it through.. and wait and let her process. I wanted to do the thing and move on to the next thing. Ugh... But that's not good. And it's not good for Funny. Just as much as Funny needs to learn to breathe and balance and not rush through... so do I. In fact, I probably need to learn that way more than Funny does. She used to be the one to try to get me to stop and smell the roses... and now I've made her into this overachieving feral beast just like me. Maybe that's why I was crying and sad. Ugh... freakin' hormones are awful man!! But maybe this will be helpful. I'm sure it will. I'm going to have to ruminate on this more.
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